2020: The Great Magnifier
Well, here it is. We have come to the end of what has been a year we will all remember, with parts we would love to forget! I have called this year the “Great Magnifier” because everything seems to have been larger and expanded in a way that has either supported us or terrified us.
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Charles Dickens, in 1859, wrote a Tale of Two Cities which speaks to the magnification of our lives this year:
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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on it being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”
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How, 161 years ago, this man could have so accurately described this past year and its contrast amazes me. Not only were things in contrast this year they were magnified on both sides. We as a nation saw the contrast on what came up in the “good” as we helped each other heal during this time in history and the “bad” that came up, as we saw how much of our history still needs healing. Again, more lessons for all of us.
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What I have noticed about my own life is how my personal traits became magnified, both the good and the bad. This year has been a time where we had to go within, not only in our homes (being quarantined), but into ourselves, which is where a lot of us spend less time than we do at home!
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When I look at my life this past year I see sharp contrast in the way I reacted to things. What I would call my “good traits” seemed to be expanding: I felt more love and kindness for people, less judgment and more compassion. However, just as those good things seemed to grow and magnify so did the traits I fight to keep hidden: the “bad traits.”
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I have always been someone who knows how to fix things and I can intuitively tell when something is safe or not, but this year that magnified into what I can only call extreme controlling and bossy behavior. My friends and I always joke about how bossy I am, which is my way to take care of them (plus I’m a bit high maintenance), but this year it magnified and I did not even recognize the things I was doing, until I did. Fear was no longer on the back burner in my life, it was front and center because I felt helpless to take care of the people I love.
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I never felt afraid for myself in 2020, but I felt at a loss watching those close to me engage in a myriad of destructive behaviors.
Seeing friends in so much fear and pain made me feel a sense of vulnerability I had never experienced, so I, in my way, tried to help them to be more empowered, which became overly controlling.
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At one point I simply couldn’t stand listening to myself any longer and had to go within. What I discovered was how afraid I was about where I had no control. I had done everything I could logically do: stopped watching news, asked my friends not to send me anything COVID or politically motivated, meditated daily, read books on things that brought me inner peace and guidance – but something was still fueling the fear.
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Here’s where the realizations came in:
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We are all connected and are feeling each other. I realized I can’t disconnect from the feelings of the world but what I can do is create a strong inner dialog and interrupt behaviors that I know are harming me.
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How about you? What are you doing that is magnifying in a way that is causing you and others pain?
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I am not saying you are doing it purposely – we are all doing it. But, we are also projecting so much onto others at this time and we must come back to ourselves – basically:
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“YOU DO YOU”
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Once you can identify behaviors that are destructive, be gentle with yourself during this unprecedented time. I have to be kind to myself and compassionate while I am working on facing fear and being empowered in my life.
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I invite you to do the same thing.
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If we can learn anything from the past, history is cyclical – we are experiencing things that our ancestors faced but with far less comfort. We as a world must look at what is magnifying and take our power back by finding our centers again, by expanding our goodness and by facing fear head on.
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As you are finishing this year, don’t rush so quickly into 2021 – take a moment to review 2020. Write a letter to yourself or journal to remember this historic year so that in the future you can read it to the family members that didn’t experience it or so you can remember it yourself because the further away we get from something the less impact it has.
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Where did you do your best? What did you notice on how you handled fear? What could you do better? What are you grateful for this year? What is important to you now versus previously in your life? What are you choosing to release? What are you choosing to keep in your life?
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Yes, everything is magnified right now so look at it carefully; review this year to give yourself clues on how you want to create a better life in the near future, and get ready to put 2020 into the history books.
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“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”
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Stay Grateful – Have Faith – Be Kind